Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Giving up the Game

She sat before the computer completely alone in her heart and in her mind. Searching the reflection in the darkened screen, she tried to retrace the last year of her life, to see where it had veered off course. Only last year had they started the adventure. It seemed like a lifetime ago. All involved had mentioned love, thrown it about as though it was real, and now they were seemingly strangers again. No warnings spoken; no sign given that it would all just disappear. The stains were on the floor.
Each week she has hunted the prairies and forests of her life, searching for a power that was lost on the path behind her as she had run toward the light. A power that had come from being desired, respected because she was untouchable. She had broken this covenant and made room for a slave trader. He stole love, affection, and desire and threw it into the wind, who would never return it. Self respect, which is the resin that clings to self- image, went the way of her heart. Now, each moment in which she travels, she is no longer the power. He peeks around doorways, he purchases time, he sends vibes of anger, and there is nowhere to hide.
Others who have waited patiently for a time they thought would never come, raise their noses to the wind, and watch her every move. Rumors spread amongst them. She has fallen and was no longer the untouchable one. Hands linger on hands, words drunkenly tumble out, and pain is laid bare on a table that overflows with empty bottles. Tears and misunderstandings, and she is aware of the price she has paid. Voices echoing down the corridors of her mind filled with mirth and Schadenfreude.
To give it up is not the thing she had ever wanted. Peace and power is what is desired yet unattainable until she sleeps. Repeatedly, she will hear what they feel and when they are finished, she will be bleeding as well. After they tip out the blood of their hearts, they will hate her. Friends no longer, perhaps they never had been. She had too much and when she gave it away, it is as though she had given it to them. As though they had not laid this at her feet. And all that she has trusted in is gone. She never should have accepted it and never allowed anyone to know. Strength will return in silence. There is no more room for her.

No comments:

Post a Comment